


Final Redemption

by Jazz_Miester



Category: Transformers, Transformers Prime, maccadam
Genre: Angst, Death, Fighting, Fluff, Multi, Original Character(s), Stuff, Transformers - Freeform, War, family building, idk - Freeform, lets try this shit again, mostly angst, redeption arc
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-11
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2020-01-11 06:25:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 6,637
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18424734
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jazz_Miester/pseuds/Jazz_Miester
Summary: And I begged for their forgiveness that I did not deserve. I stood my ground as death danced before me and drew me in like a sirens call. I fell before him like a dying man at the altar as he prays for his salvation. But there was no forgiveness for me, no banishment of my sins. The embrace of death was my only and final redemption.





	1. Forgive me when I said: Exercise is for chumps.

"Tell Me, father, which to ask forgiveness for: what I am or what I am not? Tell me, mother, which should I regret: What I became, or what I didn't"  
\- Unknown.

I can’t begin to explain how long this has taken me to write. But I can tell you how this single moment has changed me, for better or worse? Well, that is up to you. This world has been a part of me since I was six years old. During that time I had looked upon it in awe and in fear.In amazement at how those soldiers could stay strong for so long, the strength that they held and the compassion that they felt. And in fear for how loss much they were forced to endure.

I’m still that way to this day as I sit here and write to you my dear readers. But I am getting off track.

I was told, by, by a friend to start this. Let it all out and record something no other has experienced before. I will admit I was a bit bitchy about it. Hell, who wouldn’t? What I went through I wouldn't wish upon my worst enemy. But I got to thinking after a while, and apologizing. Why shouldn’t I? It may be hard for me but maybe it will be a guide for you and what not to do.

So, I want you to get comfortable, grab a stiff drink, and a few tissues. Lord knows that i’ll need them after this. And who knows. Maybe we’ll learn something new together.

I was on fire, that had to be the only logical conclusion. Heatwave after heatwave rolling over my trembling body. I can still hear the cars engine rumbling off in the distance. I want to move but it hurts so much. I don’t know where I am or what even happened. I knew that the ground beneath me burns, it's rough and grainy texture reminding me of overcooked fudge that I tried to eat to soon when I was a child.

I force my eyes to open and regretted it immensely quickly closing them against the suns white light. I have to move. I need to get up. My arm sweeps across the molten ground as I force myself up, full of pain and fear. I breathe in hot dry air. I try to open my eyes again and was greeted with the sight of a large open desert.

Gone was the trees and towering mountains that I called home for so long, replaced with a scorching heat and rolling dunes. Off to the right of me was our totaled car. It was flipped onto the roof with the wheels still spinning in the air. A sense of urgency fills me as I catch sight of my brothers jacket. What if he’s still in there?

I force myself up on shaking legs, grunting and yelling the entire time. I only manage a few steps before collapsing. My face was pressed into the sand burning the side of my face as I breathed in it's dusty smell. Gasping for air I push myself up on my elbows and crawl the rest of the way. The sand grinds against my hands and forces its way underneath my nails. Searing away at the exposed flesh.

I grab onto an open window as I make it to the car, swearing as shattered glass slices away at my palms. I try to ignore it as I pull myself to look inside. Nobody was in there. I roll over onto my back and try to think through the fog filling my thoughts. My family couldn’t be to far behind unless they got ejected out of the seats. But then I would have, I would have. Fuck. Would have what?

“MOM!” I erupt into a fit of coughs that shake my whole body and sear my throat. Pain worms it's way into my head. Okay. That’s out. Maybe I could get my soda out of the car, get that dry cotton mouth feeling to go away. With that I slowly sit up once more ignoring the stars that dance across my eyes that make my vision swim.

But I just had to look down.

My legs was covered in sand and blood along with a hole where my knee is. A large gash proved to be the source of the problem. The knee itself was discolored and covered in sand. Blood sluggishly poured out of it trying to clogged up and stop. And I did what any normal person would at this point.

I up heaved the contents of my stomach on the ground next to me. Tears and snot dribbled down the side of my face as a horrible pain took a vice like grip around my head. I finally stopped after what seemed like hours, wiping away at my face with the palm of my hand.

I was majorly boned.

After a few minutes had passed I reached for the jacket I had seen earlier and cut it into strips with a broken shard of glass, pain twinges in my wrist as I did this. Hopefully I haven't broken it. Gingerly I tried to lift my leg up and nearly black out as I begin to wrap the thick cloth around the oozing cut.

It took me longer than I care to admit. 

I wish I could say I shook this off like some badass survival expert but in reality I just layed next to the car while trying to ignore my puddle of sick.

So, I tried to play this next bit smart. Using the car to steady myself I put all of my weight onto my right side and shuffled my way to the front of the car and collapsed on the drivers side. I reached in and turned the cars engine off. This was also how I discovered that my wrist was broken as I was unable to movw it and nearly blacked out when I used it to hold me up as I reached further into the car.

I did get my soda though. Shout out to small victories I suppose.

Hey. My phone. I reached for it and shoved it into my pocket. Who knows how I got here or where i’m at but it may be useful later on. And with that I carried on doing my little shuffle to the other side of the car and hoping beyond belief that the rest of my family would be there. That hope was short lived. I’ve had a lot of shit luck as of late.

Okay now what? I had no idea what to do or where to go and as far as I could see there was no sign of my family or any other form of civilization. 

I may be wrong but it looks to be around noon with the sky high overhead. Weird seeing as it was around five when me an my folks left the house. So unless I was out for longer than I thought... 

Something was moving out in the distance. Well somethings being illuminated over the horizon. Carefully I push myself away from the car and started stumbling forward. I didn't make it far before collapsing, but at the chance of help or this even being my family.

I had to continue on.

Right foot, drag the left,stop, right foot, drag the left,stop became the running mantra in my head. As I faltered onward the figures became more and more prominent the closer I got. I really hope this isn't some sort of terrifying delusion.

"Help!" My voice came out gravely and hoarse almost inducing another coughing fit. But hey, it got there attention. I waved my arm high overhead. "Hey! Over here!" Two of the smaller figures began running screaming my name. I almost started crying again.

"Sam! Sam!" Two boys charged forward closely followed by a tall man and a woman with a child on her hip.

My family. Oh good lord and Jesus above I was not alone.

"Mom! Dad! Bo-" .....

I change my mind. I hoped that this was the terrifying hallucination.

Large metal feet obscure my view to my family. I looked up and up and let put the tiniest squeak in lieu of actual words.

"Well, well,well. What do we have here?" He wasn't looking at me. Oh sweet maker what do I do?

"And what would you humans be doing so close to a Cybertronian energon deposit? Hmm?" His sly tone filled the air around me. I was shocked, stunned. Fuck! Why can't I move dammit!?

Move move move move, or speak! Dear lord speak!

Something was happening. What is happening. A heavy whirring sound broke through the fog in my head. No, no, no, no.

"NO!"

"Let's have some sport shall we? A little human game of hide and seek for those of the Autobot allies." His cannon rose high overhead. "One two three"

"HEY ASSHOLE!"

To late.

To late.

To late.

He fired.

I couldn't breathe, I couldn't speak, and still I could not move.

Sand flew high up into the air and rained down upon me and this monster like snow. Something thick and wet began trailing down my face as I looked on in horror. I could finally draw air. The silver monster finally looked my way with confusion written on his face then gross satisfaction as it fell onto me.

"Another one." He mocked disgust. "You humans bread like a bad metal rash." He powered his cannon up once more and prepared to fire. But he stopped in favor of answering some invisible entity. A swirling portal opened behind him and he snarled as he turned to leave but not before throwing an.

"You get to live human. Be glad for that." And left. Leaving me to gaze upon the smoking hole where they once stood.

And for the second time that day I threw up and fell onto the ground.

Sobbing.

Dying.

Cursing.

In pain.

And very, very alone.

Hours passed. Maybe days. Who cares anymore. All I knew was that I had to walk. Walk and never look back. I guess you never truly know pain until you lose what you thought would last forever.

I was a damned fool to think anything could last forever.

The sun had set long ago leaving me as cold as I felt. My breath came out in white wisps as I trudged on. My path was illuminate by the rapidly dimming moon. I couldn't. I can't feel anymore. I shut down still not wanting to understand what had happened.

Something wet fell on my nose, I stopped and looked up. What little light I had disappear as a steady drizzle began to fall. Told you. Shit luck.

I continued anyway, my hair plastering to my face as the rain turned into a downpour. My boots soon met mushy dirt rather than soft sand and then replaced with concrete.

What do I do? What can I do? I'm alone.

I've never felt so small before.

I began coughing again my shoulders heaving and my head pounds as my lungs desperately try to get rid of whatever it deemed necessary.

This had to be some fucked up nightmare. Something that my subconscious had twisted into some sick delusion.

But the pain felt real.

Wait. Concrete? I look up and began to laugh. A fucking semi truck sat in front of me. The lights were all off and the engine made no sound. 

This just had to be some cruel joke. I limp towards the big rig and collapse against it laughing still as I start to open it. The metal is wet and slick sending me into a stumble as the door opens with ease. My only bit of luck today it would seem.

I manage to to hoist myself up and onto the drivers seat after falling once or twice. I was shaking by the time I got the door closed. I was drenched from head to toe and covered on more sand, mud, and blood than I cared to admit.

I chuckle and close my eyes, listening to the sound of the rain pinging against the semis roof. A sound I found so comforting as a child. Fitting I guess.

"I really hope no one owns you cuz whoever does is going to be pissed at the mess I'm making." The sound of my voice seems to thunder in the cab.

"But then again. If someone did just breakdown maybe they could help." I shake my head and give a half assed laugh. "But I feel like I'm dying. That would be horrible. Finding a dead body in your truck." My hand slides over the leather seat.

"I think that's what I'm going to do. Die. Why shouldn't I? They..." I stop.

"Please truck? I just wanna sleep and never wake up... I want to die."

Nothing.

"Ratchet, activate the groundbridge."


	2. And the lord said unto me. "Bitch you don't die"

"Nothing to lose, nothing to gain, hollow and alone, and the fault is my own, and the fault is my own"

-Linkin Park- Somwhere I belong.

I was running after golden curls and the sound of children's laughter. I didn't know why I was running after them but I did know I was enveloped in a soft warmth. I can't catch up. A small child darts out in front of me and a sudden weight grabs a hold of my heart as those same golden curls brush just beneath my fingers.

Where am I? The world around me is a subtle blur looking like I had steped into an impressionist painting. My bare feet dig into the soft soil as I whirl around in my hazy world.

I had to find the child.

My urgency turns the world around me into a warped forest. Purple liquid splashes over my feet and crawls up my legs going up and up until its over my head and in my lungs. 

I can't breathe. Pain grabs a hold of me as voices began to shout over head.

"You're going to kill her brother!"

"She is the only chance we have!"

"But at what cost? A child in a war that she has no part of!"

"- Not a child!-"

The voices began to fade out and all I could see was purple and silver clashing together. Not a drop of it crossed over into the other. They were fighting, screaming, destroying. The smallest blotch of blue appears then. Calm and enticing. Desperate I reach for it. The tips of my fingers barley brush it when it explodes cradling me in comfort and safety.

I could breathe again.

I feel as of though I was floating cradled in something soft and supple. Machines hiss and beep around me. Two blurs are at the foot of whatever I'm laying on. I blink and the blurs slowly solidify and look my way as I breath in deeply. 

A young woman rounds the right side of the bed. Her blond hair was pulled up into a bun. Her green eyes look me up and down. 

Is this heaven? I hope so. She would make a pretty angel. She's laughing now. A sound like chiming bells on a summer breeze.

"No sweetheart. I'm afraid not." She reaches out to touch me and I flinch back. Her pale hand hangs in the air fingers curling as she places it back at her side. A sad smile rests on her face as she talks. "Alright. None of that then. Ill leave you with Angent Fowler while I finish up in the office. Then I'll be back to change your I.V drip. You shouldn't need it anymore after that." And as suddenly as she had came she left.

A dark skinned mn takes her place and pulls a chair up. A clipboard sits on his knee with the name Jane Doe scrawled in the corner. There was very few papers adoring it.

"What's your name kid?" Silence.

"Your age?" Same response. Where was I?

"Okay kid. How about this? You were found five miles away from a large mine and inside an old semi." He held up an image of my battered body inside of the truck. The outside of the cab. The background didn't look right. To bright, to in- he shoves it back into the clipboard and lifts a page over.

"You suffered from a dislocated shoulder, broken right arm, thigh contusion, dislocated knee, severe laceration in said knee and head along with a mild concussion." The paper flutters down as he releases it.

"And by some miracle you made it five miles before collapsing, so let me ask you this." He leans forward. "What were you running from?"

I swallow hard as the heart monitor starts beeping rapidly. This self proclaim "Fowler" arches a brow. His hand rests on the railing of the bed never reaching near me.

"Kid?"...

"Sam." I choke out. "My name is Sam."He leans back into the chair his hands coming to rest on his knees.

"Can you tell me your address and home phone so I can contact your parents then Sam?" And I do. Besides. What do I have to lose?

I have come to the conclusion that this isn't a normal hospital. Granted, it has the same smell, sound, and the general uneasiness that I get in hospitals but. It has a grey roof with a hundred yellow lights. Two white curtains on either side of me so I can't see what's going on there but in front of me, on the other side of the room, was two large steel doors. I can see other beds lining the walls with no one else in them.

The silence rings in my ears only broken by the monitor they have me hooked up to.

True to her word the nurse had come back and changed the IV. Along with the absurd amount of bandages on my legs, arm, and face. I also learned that her name was Alice and was soon going to be marrying another named Jamie.

She left to soon. Leaving me with only my thoughts for company. Horrible decision really. They were bad enough without seeing... Never mind.

Fowler didn't come back until the next day.

The jello and ice cream that Alice gave me sat untouched on the tray in front of me. Fowler sat where he did last time. Pissed and irritated.

"Look kid. We helped you. Why can't you tell is who you really are?"

I stab the fork through the foil on the jello cup.

"I did." He shakes his head.

"Kid. The name you gave us never existed in the town you have me! Now, What's your real name so we can get you to your family?" I flick the cup over.

"I fucking told you the truth. Now piss off if you don't believe me." He ran a hand over his face and breathed in deeply. This has been going on for hours now.

"Kid-" The tray clatters to the floor as I jerk upright. Scathing as I yell at him.

"I told you my damn name! Not my fucking fault if you told believe me and it sure as hell not my fault of I don't understand a fucking thing that's going on!" My voice shrills at the end and I collapse onto the bed. Shaking and sucking in air as if I had ran a marathon full paint. My face burns as I try to breathe normally. Fowlers fallen silent. Giving me the chance to continue if I want.

He's silent. Thinking.

"Lets reword that question." He pauses. "What happened to your family."

The words "What happened" ring in my ears. Playing over and over like a bad song stuck on a loop. In silent. He waits. It...

His hand rests on the rail. The whole time he's been here not once has he made a move to touch me; nor has he tried to reach past the railing. The bed has been my space.

"G... Gone." It was like trying to push an elephant out a too small door. Fowler shakes his head confusion evident on his face.

"What do you mean? Gone?" Im shivering. Shaking like I've got a bad fever.

"They're just... Gone." He sighs. Done with the lack of information.

"I get that but how? Where?" I sink down further into the bed. Staring into the lights until stars flash across my eyes.

"I don't know. Doesn't matter anyways." I wave my arm. "I'm still convinced this is a bad dream. Or hell. Probably that last bit though.'' Because admitting to anything at this point would break the false sense of security I've been carefully stitching together.

His face softens. "I understand kid. Really. I do." He stood up. Prepared to leave. He eyes the food scattered on the ground.

"Do you want something else to eat."

"No."...

"Yes." He grinned.

"I'll send something good up." I watch him as he leaves. The large doors closing behind him leaves a feeling of finality. What, I dont know. I go back to staring at the ceiling.

One two three four....

Alice comes in a while later. She held a large bouquet of flowers in one hand and a plastic container in another.

"I thought this place needed a little something." She's all bright smiles and cheer. Two hundred and twenty eight. Two hundred and twenty nine. Two hundred and. 

Something touches my shoulder and I jump causing me to clench my teeth and hiss as pain racks through my body.

"Sorry darling but your bandages need changing" I scowl.

She forces me to sit up.

The soiled bandages are tossed away and soon she's scribbling away at that notepad of hers.

"I need to use the restroom." She stops.

"What?"...

"I need to use the restroom." She places the notepad on a desk and lowers the railing. She then reaches to help me but I bat her hand away. 

I don't wanna seem rude but I can't stand it when people I don't know touch me

I get my legs over the side with minimal effort. Its the getting up and walking part that has me huffing and puffing. Alice looks hesitant to hand me the crutches grapes in her hands.

"Are you sure you don't-"

"I'm fine. Lets go." When she gets in front of me to help I could see why she was so skittish now.

I toward over her by a good foot. She was five foot even and petite. And here I was. A bumbling giant of a girl at six foot and ive done nothing but growl at her.

I need to work at my people skills.

My bare feet stick against the cold floor. I couldn't stop taking the socks off. The blankets too. Hell. I would have taken my clothes off as well if I didn't feel like letting these people see more than me than they already have. Its just that everything was too hot.

The cold was a welcomed comfort.

Alice stops in front of a brown door. Why was everything so mutter in this damn place? She opens it and makes ready to step inside. I clasp my hand on her shoulder.

"Ill call if I need help." And I push passed her closing the door before she could follow. I'm not fucking unless.

I manage to finish and pull myself up to the sink. This whole bathroom was the same God awful yellow as those lights. I look into the mirror when i finish washing my hands.

I looked like death himself. My face was pale and ashy. My normally curly hair hung limply around my head partially pulled up into a bun. My eyes were no longer vibrant. Just as dull and colorless and the rest of this place. The only bit of color to be had was the bruise cradling my jaw. 

I stumble out the door before I could do something stupid.

I let Alice help me back into bed. Letting her tuck the blanket around me as I sink into the pillows. I throw it off after she leaves.

I go back to gazing at the ceiling. The lights flicker off, a single light stayed on right over head. My mind wanders as I try to remember bits and pieces of that dream.

About my family.

That didn't last to long though. I knew full well that the fault lies with me. Were else would it go? I didn't move. I didn't tell in time. I did nothing. I deserve all that I get and more. I turn my head over to look at the flowers.

I'm allergic to lilacs.

And with that. Alone again. I don't sleep.


	3. Sometimes a fuck just escapes

"I've never been good at emotional stuff. Except anger. Anger, I'm good at."

-Hannah Harrington:Saving June.

So. I sprained my ankle by sleepwalking. How? I don't know. What I do know is that I woke up fighting when two men I've never seen before were carrying me to my bed. Smart I know. But what else was I supposed too do? Fowler did make good on his word though about changing whatever the hell they were trying to feed me. A routine has started up after the second day. Someone would come in and drop off breakfast. I would barely eat, get bored and played with whatever I didn't eat until Alice came back. She would check to make sure everything was healing okay, change some bandages and then I hobble my broken ass to the bathroom. I broke the mirror after the first week. At least I think it as a week. Without a clock or phone I had no way of telling the time here. I had no idea how long i've been here. Alice was upset that I needed stitches in my hand. After all of that I would be left alone. Sometimes someone would come up to check on me maybe deliver lunch or dinner. Other than that I was left alone. And Fowler still hasn't come back.

Without anything to do I began to grow antsy. I needed something to do, to make. I wasn't made for sitting down and listing to this god forsaken silence all the time! It was always quiet in here. Only broken by my moving or breathing. It was quiet enough for me to hear my heart beating. You know that feeling when you're with your mom at the store and you get separated? Do you remember how small you felt, how about the way you wanted to cry and throw up at the same time? Or the way everyone looked like a big scary monster? That's how I feel all the time now. Except mommies not gonna comes save me this time. I sigh and smack my head against the pillow. Time holds no meaning here, and i've been here long enough to memorize how many lights hang from the ceiling. The door opens.

"My bandages are changed and I already have breakfast a while ago. Lunch isn't for another long while. I think." I pause. "Well what do you want." I never bother looking down because quite frankly I don't wanna see whose gonna show up at that door. A voice chuckles and I sit upright wincing as I do so. Fowler stands at the foot of my bed, a woman next to him.

"Hello to you to kid." I swallow thickly as he gestures at the curly haired woman. "This is Tamara, my sister." I pull myself up the rest of the way and fall back onto the pillows. I give a small wave as a greeting. She smiles brightly and extend an earth toned hand.

My brother's told me a little bit about you. It's nice to finally put a face to a name." I give her hand a quick shake. I am very confused. Why?

"What's up with the surprise visit?" Fowler chuckles.

"I wanted to know if you would want to come down with us to K.O's for a burger. Thought you would like a change of scenery outside of this building." He paused thinking as he readies a wheelchair. "You have at least been out of this room. Right?" I shrug.

"They don't even like when I leave the bed. I haven't seen whats outside of this room since the day I was brought here." His brow furrows.

"You've been in this room for three weeks?" Holy shit.

"Has. Has it really been that long?" It doesn't really seem like that. But then again. I couldn't tell in here. Fowler abruptly leaves the room and shouting quickly ensues behind the door. I look at Tamara whose staring as well. "Did I do something?" My heart flutters in my chest. She smiles softly at me as her attention leaves the door.

"No dear. You've done nothing wrong. My brother. Well he has a bit of a temper." She makes a motion to help me out of the bed. I have a feeling that I could trust her. That its okay this time.

That I won't be judged.

She helps me pull on the shoes that they've given me. I haven't seen any of my stuff since coming here. I pull my hair up into a bun just as Fowler comes in. Tamara lays a hand on my shoulder moving when Fowler comes up behind me to push. There was a long hallway connected to the room I was staying in. Alice was next to the door looking frazzled along with a man whose name i've never bothered learning. She was holding what was supposed to be my lunch. Fowler and Tamara chatter over my head. That small bit of sound was welcomed after so much silence. We pass through an office and were given a few nasty looks. Why I have no clue. A small geeky looking man took one look at my hunched form as he asked Fowler if he really should be taking me outside. I wanted to scream! It's not my damn fault my back still aches.

"She's not supposed too be outside of that room." The man hisses between his teeth.

"She's just a kid Harold. Let her go out and eat a damn cheeseburger." This Harold person scoffs.

"She's still healing and needs constant care. Besides, look at her. She looks like a dead man walking. What makes you thing she could do anything right now?" 

And I snapped. 

I've never been good at keeping my anger in check.

"You try spending a month in a room with no one to talk to. No one to bring you comfort. Left with nothing bit your thoughts for company 'cause some jerk wont let you have jack shit." I pull myself up looking him in the eyes as I tell him. "Then try listening to some pretentious ass hat tell you that the only chance you have for some real human interaction and a goddamn cheeseburger that you not going to have it." He sputters.

"Ahh well." Fowler shoves himself around the man.

"Well nothing. Let the kid enjoy herself." And with that we leave the large room.And into another. Jesus, how big was this place? We come into a large garage with all sorts of dinged up cars. There's a few nice one here and there but what catches my eyes is the large red and blue semi sitting harmlessly towards the back.

"That's the truck I tried to die in. Why is it here?" Tamara snorts and tries to hold back a laugh.

"A little blunt ain'tcha?" She mutters.

"Don't worry about it kid." Fowler unlocks the doors to his little blue car and wheels me towards the back.

"I'll fucking worry about what I damn well please. And I know that's rude don't look at me like that, I almost died in the damn thing cut me some slack. Now, whats up with the Autobot decor?" Fowler fumbles with the keys and they fall to the ground.

"What do you mean Autobot decor?" I slide into the back seat and to the middle.

"Ya know? Autobot and Decepticons?" I pause waiting to the two to get into the car. I buckle and lay against the back of the seat. "I figured your name was a little weird, seeing as how there's a special Agent William Fowler in the Transformers Prime series." Fowler and his sister share a look.

"A. A cartoon?" I nod my head.

"It's kinda why I didn't believe that you were telling me the truth about your name." I pick at a loose thread on my sweats. "It's confusing. Everything, considering..." I trail off. Tamara turns around from her spot in the passenger seat.

"Considering what sweetheart?" I shake my head.

"It's nothing." It's quite for the rest of the ride. We soon come into a small town. Almost like the one back home.

Home. My heart clenches painfully in my chest at the mere thought of it. Fowler told me that the town was there. Halfway across the U.S but. The people I named. Friends, family. Me. They don't exist. It's like someone threw me into a mirror version of my world and turned everything inside out. So I told myself that I had to be in a coma of some sort. There's no way that. That... Never mind. Fowler parks the car in front of a small fast food joint and I take a look at the sign. Knockout. Of course. I open up the door as Fowler wheels the chair up to the car and damn near lose my breath as I get blasted by the hot desert air.

"Holy shit" I mutter. Fowler laughs.

"Not used to the heat huh?" It takes me a minute to answer back.

"Well seeing as I was born and raised in the middle of Satan's back yard I'll go with yes on that one." I had to choke it out. Trying to ignore my fluttering heart. My chair is pushed into the small dinner and i'm assaulted with the smell of grease and salt. Little kids scream and noise, holy shit. The noise. Fowler brings us to a table but not before Tamara asks me what I would want to drink. 

"Coke. Dr. Pepper if they have it." I'm at the end of the looking into the building. Fowler is to the left of me and on his phone. I'm watching a rather large family, sisters and brother squabbling. And one boy who sits on his legs just to reach the table. His hair is spiked upwards with gel and a pair of glasses rest on his nose. He looks my way and shrinks in on himself a little bit.

I would to if a psychotic looking girl was staring at me to. I really need to stop. I give a soft smile and wave. He waves back and adjust his glasses before going back to his meal. He looks familiar. My stomach growls when Tamara finally comes back with the food. She laughed when she handed me my food. I respond by shoving a handful of fries into my mouth. We're all laughing and joking after that. As if i'm a family friend or something that's going out to eat and not some strange kid who doesn't technically exist. I got to pretend that I was normal.

Like I was just another kid from town.

It hurt.

I swallow my last bit of hamburger and wash it down with the soda.

"I have a question Fowler." He hums, mouth full of fries.

"Did. Did you guys confiscate all of my stuff when I came in?" I pause for a moment. "Ya know. My phone, wallet. Hell even my clothes were gone when I woke up." He swallows before answering back.

"I would have thought they've given you stuff back by now." His brow furrows as he realizes something. "They've just been leaving you in there? No one to talk to or even something to do?"My hands begin to shake and I feel frozen.

"Basically" My voice shakes and my lips fumble with the one word. I place my arms on the table and breathe in deeply. I was trembling now. My mind blanking. "Sam. Am. Sam!" I jerk and my leg smacks against the table. Tamaras concerned face was the only thing I could see. "Are you okay sweetheart? Your paler than a Ghost." I nod my head and swallow thickly. A feeling like chugging a bottle of syrup increases ten fold on my throat and its near impossible to get out. "I'm fine." Well, I was. Until everything descended into chaos. The first thought I had was trying to figure out whether or not an elephant had decided to sit on my chest. I felt as if I was dying. A feeling I did not want to feel a second time. A steady whine filled my ears and my fingers dug into my sides. In falling. Can't breath. What's happening? Scared. Alone. Hot. No no no no no no no. Someone grabs my hands and folds in into theirs. I could hear the glass cups hitting tje hardwood table as they were moved. A large hand is placed onto the back of my head. Softly soothing. "Kay kid? Where here." The voice fades in and out. After what seemed like ages I could finally breathe again. I'm rocking in my chair. There's a quite conclversation going on all around me. I probably looke mental. I chuckle. I feel worn and tired. Like I had just ran a marathon.

"You okay kid?" It was Fowler who was holding my hands. In a moment of desperation I grasp them tighter. Then promptly apologize as I jerk them into my lap.

"You dont need to apologize kid." He places my soda in front of me and I take a sip. "Its fine. Its normal. You won't be getting any judgement form us." I rub any my face and press my hands against my eyes till I see stars.

"Okay." Its a harsh whisper. Tamara rubs her hands against my back.

"C'mon lets go." Fowler pulls us away. We just make it to the doors before a small voice is yelling at us to stop.

"Hang on!" The little boy who I saw earlier nervously comes up to me and places a small robot toy in my lap. This close now I can tell why he seemed so familiar. He leaves before I get the chance to thank him.

It was quiet on the drive back. I held the little toy in my lap. It was no bigger than my palm, grey, and kinda floppy. I wonder why he gave it to me. I hope he doesn't get in trouble for it.

There was a small group of people waiting for is in the garage when we got back. Tamara helped me get out before going back to help her brother. The yelling was intensified by the echoing room.

The semi was still there.

I manage to wheel myself over to it. Stopping just before the grill. I placed my hand over the airport symbol chuckling. I loved transformers as a little girl. I still do.

"I don't know why they're yelling. Well, I do actually. Little pointless dontchya think?" I pause and move my hand my head coming to rest on the grill. A poor attempt at trying to drown out their yelling.

"Thank you." I mutter. "For not letting me die."

Silence.

That's what I thought.

**Author's Note:**

> This is blatant self insert so please don't hate if you don't like this shit. I began writing this as 10 because I was scared about going into middle school. At 18 im scared of life and the future in general. Im using this as a way to cope. As you read the family had "Died" It's representative of me having to loose my family or leave them one day. And ya. Read if ya want. I've got a tumblr page for this to if yall wanna ask questions or anything.
> 
> https://www.tumblr.com/blog/ask-final-redemption


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